fannishliss: old motel sign says motel beer eat (Default)
fannishliss ([personal profile] fannishliss) wrote2009-12-02 02:45 pm
Entry tags:

spn fic: "pillar of light" (G, Ruby/God)

YOU READ THAT RIGHT.

RUBY/GOD.

I DARE YOU TO READ AND COMMENT! :)

585 words
rated G
no spoilers beyond s4
warning: second person!!

summary. Ruby dies serving her Lord, staring into the light. What happens next?



The world ends in a flash of light. Light, and the certainty that you did it. You did it!

Sam opened the door, and Lucifer is free, free at last. To save you, to save you all.

Everything you’ve suffered has been worth it for this chance at freedom, at paradise.

Now the Lightbringer is free, he can shine into your heart and burn away the blackness.

He was an Angel once, you know – he’s looked into the very face of God. He loved God better than anyone else ever did, and he’s suffered so long, so many untold millenia, just for that. And now you’ve freed him.

This glorious knowledge fills your heart even as Dean thrusts brutally into your belly with your own knife. The jolt of lightning doesn’t even hurt, though you see in Dean’s face that he means it to. Worse, in a way, is Sam’s grip on your arms, pushing you onto the knife as Dean twists. Sammy doesn’t get it. But that’s okay. Your work is done, and you did it.

Your lord will be pleased.

You fall and your eyes stare into the pillar of light until nothing else remains.

Blankness.

Eternity.

And light.

Soft, cushioning light, as though light were a cloud, a blanket, an embrace.

My lord? you think.

You try to move, and you move, but nothing moves. You have no body, so there are no restraints. You remember everything, but nothing hurts you now the way it did; the tortures of Hell have fallen away. You can see the pain you fought through before Hell, the excruciating rage that drove you to the crossroads, but it’s over now. It’s done. The light is all around you, acknowledging you, loving you.

Again, you whisper, without body, without breath, reverently, my Lord?

The light all around you pulls in. It’s not that it brightens, but that you can feel it holding you, gently, securely, like the mother you loved with all your heart so long ago.

That old saying, where your life flashes before your eyes? It’s not really like that. With the light shining into you, every moment, every choice, plays out with the inexorable clarity of a drama you know by heart. Macbeth, maybe: prophecies that come true in ways too horrible to suspect, the twisting of virtues into grievous errors. You’ve prodded your man to the sticking point and beyond, but the blood on your hands is white as snow. The light shines in on it, your desire to free your lord, your belief that it’s all been ordained, your insistence that Lucifer will save you, reward you, heal you all.

The light begins to wash you clean.

The demon parts of you are irradiated and pared away. Your soul is whole, the tatters mended, and all of you shines in a way you’ve never known before, never even hoped to dream.

All the suffering you caused on earth and in hell is washed away. You see your mistakes and regret them. You acknowledge your crimes and the reasons you committed them, and the light shines softly on the paths you didn’t take.

You understand now.

“My Lord,” you say, full of joy. “To You my heart is open, my desires known, and from You no secrets are hid. Cleanse my heart by Your holy light, that I may worthily magnify Your Name.”

And the light swells brighter because you are a part of it now.

The will of the Lord be done.

[identity profile] erinrua.livejournal.com 2009-12-02 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Amen.
ext_29986: (strength)

[identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com 2009-12-02 11:41 pm (UTC)(link)
... the idea sounds so sacralicious, but the execution is not!!!

I'm so glad you liked it.

btw, your icon leads to my homeplace in West Virginia :)

[identity profile] erinrua.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
The execution is perfect, and if I might say, very much matches my Methodist upbringing. ;-)

Glad to give you a glimpse of home, icon-wise!
ext_21608: (angelito)

[identity profile] roguebitch.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 03:00 am (UTC)(link)

Hm. Very Lewis-esque.

You have a very poetic way of writing. ;->
ext_29986: (unicorn!)

[identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 03:16 am (UTC)(link)
thanks for reading! I'm curious what makes you think of Lewis? I used to like him a lot and then I turned on him!! :)

Yeah the whole mfa in poetry thing, can't get away from it! :P
(deleted comment)
ext_29986: (Sam-in-a-Cage!)

[identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 11:16 am (UTC)(link)
glad you liked it !

Sam is in a cage till Dean is done grading papers for Lucky Charms money. :)

[identity profile] quovadimus83.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 06:55 am (UTC)(link)
hmm. I like the idea of Ruby making it to heaven & meeting god, though I'm kind of at a loss for words. maybe it's too simple for my brain to fully accept: she repented, & that's the end of that.
ext_29986: (Angel of the Lord is puzzled?)

[identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 11:14 am (UTC)(link)
thanks very much for reading and commenting!

I got to thinking about Ruby's beliefs and motives, and it made me think that meeting God would be pretty gentle with her. Another kind of story would be much more painful and harsh, thus more dramatic. Sigh -- I am really a poet.
ciaan: (writing)

[personal profile] ciaan 2009-12-03 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
This is probably going to sound bad, but. This isn't how I think of SPN as working, but as its own thing, it totally does work.
ext_29986: (unicorn!)

[identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com 2009-12-03 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, you're probably right! I always look for redemption for characters.... since spn is so horror genre, it rarely occurs. I just thought that the one opening in the spn mythos is that no one really knows where souls go after death -- and it seemed like the presence of God trumps Hell after all, especially since Ruby died in a righteous mind set.

Please always feel free to be completely honest in comments to me ! It's much better than just sitting there thinking "this totally sucked since no one commented on it"! Also, i'm aware that my ideas are not of the ordinary. :)

thanks very much for reading and commenting!

[identity profile] missyjack.livejournal.com 2009-12-07 10:34 am (UTC)(link)
An interesting path to redemption for Ruby. Lovely prose.
ext_29986: (Default)

[identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com 2009-12-07 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks very much for reading and commenting.

I am extremely curious to see how they handle the God Problem. I don't believe in an anthropomorphic God, but I imagine the God they encounter on show will be a Person, not a Vast and Unknowable Entity. :P I just wanted to explore what might happen to a demon after "death" -- it seems like it should break their link with hell and give them an ultimate chance to find peace. And since Ruby, in her head, was doing the right thing, I thought her path to God would be pretty quick. And I loved playing with the idea that God and Lucifer could easily be mistaken for one another, at least at first!