a bit of original fiction :)

This is a fresh new chapter from my original novel, Whirlwind.   Lani is a new character that I hope will bring more focus to the novel.  In terms of concrit, I need to know where there is too much dithering, though what I'm really trying for in this novel is the moment of slippage between the mundane and the otherworldly --- that's what it's really about.
Do you like Lani?  How can I make you care more about her?
Does this feel like a good first chapter?  Now that Lani has made her appearance, I'm feeling like I can push this chapter to the beginning and my other drafted chapters can follow afterward.  Meredith and Steve are bit parts, but Jack and his friend Leeza, who are ten year olds, are main characters.

If you care to read, I appreciate hearing your reaction, whether good or bad!  :)  This novel has been percolating for many many years, so I'm determined to make it a reality, come what may. :)  The intended audience is children or young adults.

( Read a chapter of Whirlwind )