fannishliss

It’s not Christmas any more. It’s Epiphany now, the season of the star, the magi, the gifts, the long journey through darkness, a promise of dazzling light.

Steve remembers Christmas eves long gone, standing peaceful by his mother’s side — the beautiful, high tones of the boys’ choir, the echoing organ, the smell of candles — the cold of a stone church and the warmth of a crowd — the feeling of mystery, how one life long ago had irrevocably changed the world.

The church is dark and mostly empty, just another winter night, long and cold.  Candles flicker near the altar.  Without the sun to light them, the stories of the stained glass windows are silenced.

Steve kneels in a pew, trying to quiet his thoughts, if only for a while. He hasn’t sought confession since shortly after he woke up; he’s died and been reborn in a new age; one of his team mates has been worshipped as a god.  Times have changed and so has he.

But kneeling in a quiet place is good for the soul, so he tries.

He has so much to be thankful for, he keeps reminding himself.  Now more than ever, he has friends he trusts to watch his back: Natasha, Sam, Tony, Bruce— he’s not alone, and he’s deeply, deeply grateful for that.

But he has his petitions too, feverish, desperate demands that circle and circle and never quite fall silent:

keep him safe
let me find him
bring him home
dear lord, please, just bring him back to me, I’ll…

Sam tells him bargaining is a stage of grief, but he’s so deep in denial he can’t even admit that he’s grieving.

The old tunes, the old words, circle through his head, like weird, warped soundtracks to the painful images he can never unsee:

in the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan, earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone

his best friend’s face, frozen like a sculpture behind a pane of ice

let all mortal flesh keep silence, and with fear and trembling stand

the terror in his eyes, his deadly fist

Steve, on his knees, is begging. Bring him back, please. Oh, please.

Steve is rapt in the fervor of his prayer, on his knees, wringing his hands. The church is so quiet, not a footstep, not a rustle of cloth.

Then, he hears a breath.

how silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is given

A voice, tentative: “Steve?”

And all Steve’s prayers are released, flying upward like a flock of doves.

Steve’s eyelids flutter open, and joy enters in.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Steve, Bucky, Clint and Natasha accompanied us to my mom's house, where there was a good deal of snow.
( action pix under the cut )

Hi all!  I went to Tucson for a wedding this past weekend and Steve and Bucky came along.
Also featuring Natasha, Clint, and surprise!Tony.

Steve and Bucky pose beside a cactus in Sabino Canyon.

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Bucky pov.  In this story, the Hydran serum gives psychic powers, and now that the War between Hydra and Shield has been won (by Shield), the Hydrans have been able to break their conditioning and use their powers for good.  Bucky still doesn't remember who he really is at this point, because the Hydran wipes and implants went so deep into his psyche.  He won't remember until he meets someone who remembers him.

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Here is a very nice article at Huffington Post that has several people's different comments about why it's important to celebrate Bisexuality.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alex-berg/22-reasons-why-bisexuals-_b_5851458.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices

For me personally, I've been married to a man for 21 years and appear cis gendered.  But that's not the whole story...  I don't think everyone has a label, nor should everyone need to be labelled, but the LGTBQA acronym just keeps getting longer, and I think that is a good thing. For everyone who is somehow Q, celebrate today!

Diversity is strength.  \o/

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from that page:

"I celebrate bisexuality because it breaks down binaries [and helps us embrace] the fluidity of sexuality and gender." - Eliel Cruz, Journalist at The Advocate

"Blessed are you, Adonai our G!d, Holy One of Blessing, who allows us to be open about our lives, see beyond gender and blesses us with myriad affections to share with our loved ones." This blessing is personal, and yet adaptable to the many ways we live our lives." - Martin Rawlings-Fein, Director, Bay Area Bisexual Network

Steve gets a new bike and takes Bucky to see the Grand Canyon! :D

Steve's new bike is from CVS and is a "Maisto Fresh Metal 2 Wheeler"  :)

Therapy, chapter 2.
This is an AU where Shield made super soldiers, and Hydra made Agents.  Agents have superhuman powers of perception and empathy, and now that the War is over, Coulson has set up a Therapy program so that ex-Hydran Agents can use their powers for good by helping Shield Soldiers readapt to peacetime life.

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I'm thinking about ordering Bucky's dog tags. You can totes order replica dog tags, they are not even expensive.

Anyway, first question first: Does Steve have a next of kin?

My headcanon is that Bucky puts Steve as his next of kin on his tags. I think canon is unclear but it seems like by the time Bucky joins up his parents are deceased and his sisters have been sent to Indiana to be raised by relatives.  Any canon on any of this would be appreciated, but of course these origins have been retold a number of times, so I'm just trying to piece together what makes sense for MCU.

Bucky's tag is ready to go with his full serial number 32557038 and his tetanus date 42 43. :)

Steve's tag looks lonely and forelorn with no next of kin -- but with Bucky already joined up, I don't think he has one.  ):

Steve's serial number is given on screen in Winter Soldier!!  Pierce and Sitwell show a mugshot of Steve when he is on the run with a long number under his name, which I hope is his serial number.  It should begin 12 if he voluntarily enlisted in New York, but... anyway Bucky's number shows that he was drafted.

Second question:   I looked up best guesses for Steve's address in Brooklyn, but 166 Montague Street is way too fancy.  I just wanted to move it slightly to a less fancy building.  I'm going with 148 Montague Street just a bit down the block. Any Brooklyn dwellers want to weigh in?

And yes, I have Bucky wearing one of Steve's tags. I don't think Steve would have confused their tags during the actual war... but in my headcanon, Steve gives Bucky his old tags back when he comes in from the cold (post Winter Soldier) and they trade their tags then.  :D