who fic: "Exits and Entrances" (G, Doctor/Rose)

[fannishliss]

title: Exits and Entrances
author: fannishliss
rating: G
pairing: Doctor/Rose
spoilers: this is somewhat AU of the timeflow of the actual series, but mostly follows the events of Journey's End, and prior to Rose.
length: 4000 words
A/N:  Thanks to timelord1 for prompting me with Nine and Ten thrown together to rescue somebody they both care about.  This was also written for who_contest for  prompt #7, exits and entrances, which does make a very nice title, so hey.  :)

~*?*~

Krakatoa was exploding in the distance when the Doctor felt a buzzing in the back of his brain that resolved itself into a feeling of mumbling pressure, like a mountain stream had been dammed and was about to burst through.  Then a splitting pain burst behind his left eye and he heard the Tardis materializing.

Another version of himself had just shouldered his way into his reality.

He heaved a sigh, rolled his eyes at his own stubborn stupidity, and went to see what was the matter.

He watched the door of his Tardis open and a skinny, brown-suited man with outlandish hair bounded out of it.  

They stared at each other for a minute.  It was always strange for the Doctor, meeting himself.  It was weird to know what he was someday going to look like, and even weirder to know that the new him would be so different from the him he now knew himself to be. They were always the same man — but the differences were real and striking.  So he stared. Even if he had to forget it all, it was amazing to get the opportunity to stare at himself — the way he seemed to vibrate even when he was standing still, the way his fingers seemed itchy to be constantly tinkering, the way his eyes stared out so solemnly as if he were begging to be amused.  

And of course, the other him was remembering this even as he experienced it — locked memories won't stay put away once you begin to relive them. And the other him remembered being him.  It would be mind-boggling for anyone other than a Time Lord, and as the other him ground the heel of his hand against his left eye, he admitted that it was painfully weird even for a slightly maverick Time Lord such as himself, and he'd done it before, more than once.

"Why've you come then?" he asked, a little wearily.  While, on the one hand, it was nice to have another Time Lord's murmuring in the desolated part of his mind where other members of his race had once sung in their low, muddled hum, at the same time he knew that he wouldn't have risked the paradox without a devastatingly important reason.

"Come inside my Tardis and I'll tell you everything," he said, brown eyes huge.

The Doctor knew he was a powerful presence, magnetic and charming —but this one was desperate.  He was on the verge of begging.  

"Okay," he said mildly, eyebrows raised, and hastened inside after his counterpart.

The coral of his own Tardis greeted him. She hummed a welcome into his mind. She was doing well, but she was worried about her Time Lord— very worried — she'd never have brought him to the point of paradox otherwise.  But the Doctor sensed some confidence in the Tardis that his presence would help — that together, two Doctors could sort things out in a way that would've been impossible for the distraught one on his own.   

"Zero Room — best for the paradox till we get this straightened out," they agreed and the Tardis opened a corridor in short order.

In the blank, easy stillness of the Zero Room, the grating sense of paradox quickly fell away.  

"It should be okay —"

"if we touch—"

They reached for one another and gingerly touched the tips of their index fingers together — paying close attention to the ripplings of Time around them.  There was a faint ripple, and the Doctor imagined something vast and golden, something that howled and sang like Time itself, and the other one said, "Bad Wolf!" and burst into tears.

Huge wracking sobs shook him as he wrapped his long arms around his knees, rocking himself and wiping futilely at his tears.  

The Doctor didn't try to offer comfort.  It was best to let it out when he got like this.  He didn't even know how long he'd spent screaming and crying, wailing and rocking after the War had finally snuffed itself out, ripping his people out of his head along with it.  He thought he might have starved himself through one regeneration — he didn't even know.  But this — this was just a good healthy cry. The regeneration had healed a lot in him that was still raw and aching, he guessed.  This new him — he could feel some devastating sorrow, some blinding regret, but over it all lay a blanket of hope he didn't know how he'd rewoven into his perception of reality.  

"Bad Wolf — what is that?" the Doctor asked.  It was a phrase he'd seen from time to time, here and there, all throughout his many lives, but he'd never been able to suss out what it meant.

"Bad Wolf — it's her.  It's Rose!" he answered, imploring the Doctor to somehow understand.

With a flush of heat he'd rarely felt, he said, almost accusingly, "You — you love her.  You fell in love.  What did — how could — what did you do?"

"It wasn't like that, I swear to you.  We'd never, never, never do anything to hurt her— anything to keep her safe.  As soon as you meet her, you'll see what I mean.  She's perfect, Rose, my Rose," he cried, breaking down again.  

"How did you lose her?" the Doctor asked sadly.  This was much worse than he'd guessed, much worse than the Tardis had intimated.  Bringing a girl back from the dead?  It couldn't be done. The Laws of Time had to stand, even now that the Time Lords were gone. Especially now.  

"Across the Void," the other one choked, his face twisting with the memory of horror.

"The Void?" the Doctor answered, disbelieving.  "So?"

"So!" the other one shouted, his mood changing to fury in the blink of an eye. "So!! You might well say so, Doctor I'll-just-cruise-from-fixed-point-to-fixed-point, drowning yourself in futility and feasting on oblivion, reciting Ecclesiastes, all, nothing new under the sun, and just wondering what it felt like back when you were alive!"

"Why are you so angry?" the Doctor asked, trying to calm himself down.

The wild-eyed man shook a threatening finger at him, baring his teeth and growling, "Because you get to meet her, you get to watch her fall in love with you, and I — I get to watch her fall!"

His scream rang through the Zero Room, resonating with madness.  This would not end well if the newer one didn't get a hold of himself.

"But — the Void — " the Doctor said, frowning.  "That's easy — child's play. What's the problem?"

"No problem — ha! None at all — not if you have plenty of Tardises and their full complement of Time Lords!"

The Doctor blinked, and flushed hot. "Oh.  Right."

"Now he sees the problem!" the other said dramatically, pulling at his hair and raising his arms, preaching to the blankness of the Zero Room.

"We'll have to make do then," the Doctor said carefully.

"Make do? Make do?  When one small slip could tear the multiverse apart?" the other ranted again through clenched teeth.

"Why are you even asking me — you already know we've made up our mind," the Doctor said.

"Then — then — you'll help me?" the brown-suited one said.

"Course.  Why not? Brilliant, me."

"I loved it when I was you," the newer one said, a little wistfully.  "You're not dapper, you're not posh, but by the stars could you make a pronouncement."

"Have you tried to talk with any of the others?" Some of his past incarnations had been rather less inclined towards inter-self cooperation than he felt himself to be.

The brown-eyed one wrinkled his brow in a fierce frown.  "No. Can't.  Knowledge of the War poses too great a threat to the paradox.  Just you and me, kid."

"Oi! How much older are you anyway?" the Doctor protested.

"Older enough," he said, and the suffering in his eyes conveyed all the Doctor needed to know.

"Well, then — what about companions?  Got anyone you'd trust to help us fly?"

Finally the brown-eyed man lit up with a brilliant smile.  The Doctor always loved his own smile —  a bit mad, but a madness driven by joy — at least he hoped.

"Oh yes," he said.  "You'll remember Sarah Jane."

"Sarah Jane!" The Doctor felt his hearts thump with anxious anticipation.  "Truly?"

"She's marvelous, simply marvelous, wait till you see her.  And I'll have my friend, um, a Time Agent — better if you two don't meet till you do, right?"

"Yes," the Doctor said, a burning curiosity planting itself inside him that he tried reasonably hard to squash.  "Quite right."

"So — then, here's Sarah Jane — " he held out his finger and they touched, the transfer of Sarah Jane's temporal-spatial coordinates implanting themselves swiftly in the Doctor's memory, "and I'll get, um, my friend, and we'll meet here," he said, transferring another set of coordinates.

"Dålig Ulv Stranden?"   the Doctor said. "That's not even proper Norwegian."

The other one shuddered.  "Maybe it is, there.  There's a bit of a rift there, more of a thin spot really, have to slip through without it tearing, but that's our chance."

"Okay," the Doctor said, hoping it would be all right.

"Okay," he answered, grasping at this shadow of hope.

"But you're sure Sarah Jane, I mean, won't she have gotten on with her life? Why would she want to see... me?"

It was one of the things the Doctor hated most about being a Time Lord, regenerating, so that old friends didn't even recognize you when you showed up on their doorstep.

"She'll love you.  She will. Trust me." There was a wry smile in the brown eyes that told the Doctor he knew whereof he spoke.

"Okay," the Doctor said.

They left the Zero Room, and the pain behind the eyes set in again until the Doctor was free of his future Tardis.  A fine black dust was falling. Time to get his own Tardis away from Krakatoa on toward Bannerman Road, Ealing, London.

Sarah Jane gave him a measuring look when she answered the doorbell.

"Yes?" she said coolly.

The Doctor felt his face splitting into wide grin — "Sarah Jane Smith!" he pronounced.  She looked so beautiful, radiant and wise and self-possessed.  These humans, they were so precious — if only they could have just a hundred more years...

"I'm sorry," she said, her eyes narrowing, "you seem to have me at a disadvantage..."

He pulled out his sonic.  "It's me!  The Doctor!"

"Oh!"  she said. "Oh!"  She stepped back and gestured, urging him inside.

"Nice place," he said politely.

"It's not bigger on the inside, but big enough for me and Luke."

"Luke?" the Doctor said.

"My son— you met— Oh!" Sarah Jane said again.  "I thought... well, bother.  What number are you?" she asked, blushing furiously.

"Nine," he said firmly, disregarding the hazy places the Time War had burned into his memory.  

"We met Ten already — out of order," she murmured.

"Yes.   He needs our help."

Sarah's eyes warmed immediately. "Whatever he, um, you, or— Whatever the Doctor needs, I'm more than ready to help."

"Thanks, Sarah Jane," he said sincerely.  "I'll need help flying the Tardis," he said.

She frowned.  "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"It's a tricky maneuver — normally something we'd not have tried without a number of Time Lords and at least two Tardises — but you'll be brilliant."   The Doctor hadn't strung so many words together since the last time he'd spoken to Romana.  Why didn't he visit his old friends more often?   "You look great, Sarah Jane.  It's really wonderful to see you," the Doctor said, awkwardly.

"I already gave you grief for leaving me in the lurch," she said, without bitterness.  "I suppose airing it out helped me.  Now, I have a son, and a life all my own, and adventures, and I've saved the world a number of times without your help at all!"

"Good for you!" he beamed.  A great feeling of pride bloomed in his chest.  He raised his hand and laid it gently on her shoulder. "I knew you'd do great things.  I knew it.  I couldn't keep you to myself.  Besides... life was dodgy for a while — tried for treason, mucked up a regeneration and lost my memories  — but no excuses.  I'm sorry if I hurt you, Sarah Jane."

Tears sprang to her eyes. "Oh. Oh Doctor. I loved you, so much!" she said.

"I know," he answered.  "I loved you too —as well as a Time Lord could."  

She looked startled at his confession, but tears slipped from her eyes.  She reached for his hand.  

"I'm old now," she said, "I almost saved myself for you till there was nothing left.  But I'm alive again now, and I have a life again at last.  Still, it's good to hear that you loved me at least a little."

Her beautiful eyes stared shyly at him, and he could see in her that same clever woman he'd met, many lifetimes ago now for him.  

"Of course I did. How could I not? It's just, not the same for Time Lords," he fumbled.  

"Well," she said, smiling.  

"Well," he answered. "I want to meet Luke," he said after a moment.  

"He's just upstairs!  Oh, Doctor, he'll love to meet you.  He's brilliant. I'm so proud of him." She gushed as she led the Doctor up two flights of stairs.

"Greetings, Time Lord," said her computer.

Agog, he said, "What?"

"It's my computer, Mr. Smith.  He's a Xylok after all," Sarah Jane explained.

The boy whipped around. Tall and gangly, he seemed quick and alert.    "Mum!  Is it the Doctor?" He sounded excited.

"I've told him a lot about you," Sarah Jane murmured.  

"Nothing good I hope," the Doctor murmured back.

Luke held out his hand and the Doctor shook it warmly.  The boy was full of potential.  His timelines were intricate and full of promise.

"Very nice to meet you!" the Doctor said, beaming.  

Sarah Jane smiled with happiness.  "Shall we have a bite to eat?"

"Brilliant!" the Doctor said, clapping his hands together. He'd forgotten all this, how the simple act of talking with another person, sitting down to tea and sandwiches, could make him feel so engaged and alive.  His future self was right — he couldn't hide in the Tardis visiting fixed points any longer.  He had to start interacting with people again.  Already the point of living was making itself felt again, in the disused muscles of his smile.  

After tea, the Doctor led Sarah Jane and her son to the Tardis, appreciating the boy's amazement at the place.

"And, you'll be helping me fly her," he promised.  

"Oh!" the boy cheered, and Sarah Jane rocked forward onto her toes with happiness. The Doctor felt he was doing something right again.

With Luke at the Pitch, and Sarah Jane at the Yaw, the Tardis slipped into the Vortex like a dream, and, a few moments later, smoothly materialized on a cold and windy beach in Norway. The Doctor felt the pain behind his eye that told him his other self was already there, waiting.  

The Time Lords had mastered all of time and space and then stepped back, sequestering themselves on Gallifrey  (unless they needed to send the Doctor to do some of their dirty work).  They looked across the Void primarily in the name of philosophy, pontificating and prognosticating about how the tiniest of changes could make the paths of two universes diverge.  Truth be told, the Time Lords could not see very well outside their own universe — dim and shadowy were the futures they could feel there, not as vibrant and alive to Time Lord senses as in their own world.

Travel across the Void was rare, but it could be done — with several linked Tardises, and multiple Time Lords monitoring the paradoxes that travel between parallel worlds might cause.  

With only two Tardises, only two Time Lords, the Doctor might've doubted it could be done.  But the two Time Lords were both essentially the same man,  and the two Tardises, the self same Tardis coalescing at the same time onto different coordinates in space.  The Doctor thought it might actually be an advantage, if he could convince the Tardis to talk to herself.

He opened a channel to the Inter-Tardis frequency, one he'd thought permanently closed.

A wail of feedback split the air of the console room, causing Sarah Jane and Luke to clap their hands to their ears.

Sighing, he stalked to the door and threw it open.  

A stone's throw away sat the other Tardis, his other self waving out the door.

"Tell her to open a channel and quit being so stubborn!" they shouted at one another.  The Doctor threw up his hands and went back inside, counted to thirteen, and flipped the comm open again.  

This time, a strange noise filled the room — not unpleasant, but weird — like the hushing of waves and the singing of wolves, a theramin, a saw, and a million bells from tiny to planet size, ringing out in no particular order.

Sarah Jane's eyes flew open wide.  "Is that — is that her?"

"Yup.  Talking to herself. She hates doing that."

Luke had his head tilted to the side.  "I can almost understand ... bits..." he said, mesmerized.

"No human could understand this," he said, not admitting he himself could barely understand her.  The Time Lords had genetically manipulated sentient time-sensitive organisms into becoming Tardises, and then telepathically bonded themselves to them —  they stopped short of making their ships easy to communicate with.  

"I'm not human," Luke said.

"He was made," Sarah Jane amended.

"That's okay — so was I," the Doctor said.  

"Really?" Luke said, lighting up. "I haven't got a navel!"  The boy eagerly showed his flat, featureless belly.

The Doctor frowned slightly.  His navel had earned him no end of grief from his cousins in Lungbarrow.

"I have — but no good reason for it," he said.   Maybe he'd simply loomed it for himself, forecasting all the lives he'd spend in the company of humans.  

The Doctor turned his attention to several readings.  The Tardis had formed the appropriate linkage with herself.  Now the other Tardis could cross the Void without the risk of becoming unmoored in her home reality — slipping through the thin spot without tearing it open.  

The other Doctor hailed him.  He turned on the overhead monitor.  

"Okay, we're ready to go."

A voice offscreen called out — "Hiya Doctor!  Wish I could see you!"

The voice rang strangely in the Doctor's head — just one more thing he'd have to forget.

"Sarah Jane!" the other Doctor said.  

"Hello," she said happily.  "So glad we could help.  Hello Captain!" she called.

"Hello gorgeous," sang the offstage voice, and Luke's eyebrows shot to the ceiling.

The Doctor stubbornly paid no attention.  He'd have to forget it all anyway.

"Can we get going?  My head is splitting!"  he growled.  

"Yes! Of course! Right!" his other self shouted.  He was a manic one, this future self.  He'd need to keep an eye on that.  His manic personalities could also be the scariest.

"Allons-y!" his other self cheered, dematerializing.

The Doctor felt his Tardis's infinitesimal lurch as she dug in with her temporal/spatial inertia generators — though Sarah Jane and Luke felt nothing, and simply stood expectantly at the controls.  

He praised her for how well she was handling, how nicely she was playing with her future self.

A pleasant "ping" rang out clearly amongst the strange noises of the Tardis's inter-comm.

"My other self has landed.  Now he has to find her. "

"Oh!" Sarah Jane exclaimed.  "Rose! Oh, they said she died! at Canary Wharf—"

She slapped her hand across her mouth.  

"You've seen more than one of us together before," he reminded her gently.  "Mental discipline — I'll lock away anything I shouldn't know."

"Then I'll tell you this — I've never seen you happier than she made you." Sarah Jane shook her head.  "She's a lovely girl — sweet — but you're like a different person around her — so much more open, so alive with her. I hope with all my heart he gets her back,"  she said.

The Doctor nodded.  He knew what had changed.  He'd always been a drifter — an expatriate, in exile from a home he loftily disdained — but not until he suffered its horrendous loss could he recognize how much he needed an anchor to make his unnaturally long lives worth living.  Rose, apparently, was that anchor. He must have attuned himself to her like a plant clocking the sun.  

"Ping ping ping," the Tardis chimed.  

"That was fast," Luke said.

"Time must pass a little faster there," he hazarded.   Now for the tricky part.

"Ready?" he asked his copilots.  They nodded. They shouldn't really have to do anything, unless....

The Tardis heaved violently, almost throwing the humans off their feet.  

"Luke, pitch up fifteen degrees.  Sarah Jane, yaw left thirty degrees," he shouted, while helping the Tardis adjust her inertial generators.  The Tardis shuddered and jolted under their feet.  The sounds from the inter-comm were like howling, like a thousand wolves, chasing each other through time.

"Bad Wolf" the Doctor thought, until, with another innocuous ping the Tardis settled.  

Maybe thirty seconds had passed since the Tardis had bucked, but the Doctor had held his breath the whole time.

He let himself relax.  The pain behind his eye was back.  Everything was fine.  

"Textbook void crossing, excellent!" he said over his shoulder as he threw himself out the console room doors.  

He'd made it most of the way across the sand to the other Tardis when the door opened and a blonde head peered out.

"Doctor?" she cried, and the depths of emotion in her voice shook him to the core.

Bondmate, his soul reverberated.  You've bonded with her − it would've killed you not to somehow bring her back.

What madness could induce a  nearly immortal Time Lord to bond to a mayfly human — beautiful though they were — entertained his brain for a moment, while she'd thrown the door open and was sprinting across the sand, catching him in her arms and swinging him around,  locking him in a ferocious kiss.  

"Doctor! Doctor!" she cried, stroking his face, oblivious to the tears trailing her own.

He remembered his other self accusingly saying he'd watched her fall in love with him. Clearly she had.  

She kissed him again, plastering her body to his, and he felt old senses awakening he'd thought forever dead.  His bonding instinct unlocked itself deep inside him, yearning for her, and he held her gingerly, fearing he'd crush her with the strength of his newfound passion. She felt so right, so perfect —

and then he realized he could feel her in the back of his mind, where the Time Lords had been —

and he recognized that amazing golden aura, like the gleam of time itself —

that had wound itself through his dreams his whole life long—

giving him hope, companionship in his darkest hours, a reason to believe against all evidence that someday things would turn out all right —

and it had been her all along.

Rose, the Bad Wolf.

"I love you," he said to the girl he'd never met, that he'd longed for to the depths of his soul since before he was born.

"I know!" she smiled, and kissed him and kissed him.

"Ahem," came an unsubtle throat clearing.  

"Sod off," Rose said over her shoulder.  "It's not often I get to snog you before you've even met me!"

"Should I be jealous?" he called, jealousy plain in his tone.

"Should you?" Rose called.

The Doctor, reluctantly, pulled away.

"You're so beautiful," he said, basking in the aura that enveloped him so sweetly.

"So are you," she said.

They stared at one another, drinking each other in.  

"Henrik's," she said.  "You save me from the dummies."

"Okay!"  he said, grinning.

"You'll be brilliant!" she said.

"Okay!" he said, a smile splitting his face.

She backed away, toward his other self.

"I love you!" she called.

"I know!" he called. He knew he'd have to lock it all away inside his mind, but somehow, he'd recognize her. How could he not?  She was the piece of him that he'd always been missing.  

"Have a fantastic year!" the other him wished, and they shut the door, and their Tardis dematerialized, leaving him standing alone on the cold and windy Norwegian beach, his heart more full of gratitude and hope, maybe, than it had ever been.

Comments

[kelkat9.livejournal.com]

Oh but that was gorgeous! Truly, a spectacular reunion. I loved that you brought Sarah Jane and Luke into it and you even gave us Tardis talk! Very very well done!

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much for your lovely words! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

I loved bringing in Sarah Jane and Luke, so I'm glad it worked for you :)

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! Your prompt turned out to be very fruitful, so I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :D

[yumimum.livejournal.com]

Yay, reunion fic. *is a happy fangirl*

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

I love a good reunion. This is particularly timeywimey in that he finds her before he ever lost her! Thanks for commenting!

[fogsblue.livejournal.com]

Oh this is wonderful. The inclusion of both Sarah Jane and Jack is a nice touch.

But I must admit, I think I find the most joy in the fact the Doctor got jealous of himself, cause you know he would. Especially where Rose is concerned.

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

I love when the Doctor gets jealous of himself. :D I have two stories from the summer ficathon where that was the prompt, and it is always fun to pitch Nine and Ten at each other and see what happens. :D

Thanks for your lovely comment!

[bloose09.livejournal.com]

What a beautiful story of a most joyous reunion! I loved the fact that you brought Sarah Jane, Luke, and Jack into the mix. I could definitely see it happening this way.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Sarah Jane, so this is my favorite part:
"I'm old now," she said, "I almost saved myself for you till there was nothing left. But I'm alive again now, and I have a life again at last. Still, it's good to hear that you loved me at least a little."

Thank you for such a wonderful story!

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

This is the first time I've written Sarah Jane. I need to go back and rewatch a lot of her classic episodes, but I loved Sarah Jane Adventures and I just had to bring her in on this. The Doctor obviously loves her as one of his closest friends -- it's really too bad he never went back and got her. Sometimes he just seems to get swept along by events.

Thanks for your very sweet comment!

[bloose09.livejournal.com]

You did a wonderful job with Sarah Jane. It was a truly beautiful moment in your fic.

The Doctor obviously loves her as one of his closest friends I believe this to be true. He rarely looks back, does he? I don't think he always likes what he sees in the rear view mirror. Maybe that's why the TARDIS is fitted with them.

[desertport]

I love how your DW fic always brings out the joy in the characters. The love between the Doctor(s--ha!) and Rose is epic in every sense of the word, without bringing you down. Just the opposite; I read with a smile.

Already the point of living was making itself felt again, in the disused muscles of his smile.

Case in point. :D Thank you for sharing this fic!

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your very sweet comment -- it certainly brought a smile to my weekend! :)

[tracy-lousia.livejournal.com]

OMG this is such a beautiful fic. Loved it. The way you played Ten and Nine against/with each other was perfect. And all the extra characters just made it even better, thanks.

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

What a lovely comment -- thanks very much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

If you like Nine vs. Ten, I have two other stories about them:
Needing Her, rated pg13
and
Sharing Her NC17 :D

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

So glad you liked it!!!

This idea has been percolating for a while, so I'm glad it worked!!

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

Beautiful, dear!! So wonderful and moving and perfect!! GORGEOUS. Thank you for sharing this with us!!

*HUGS*

[emraldeyedauter.livejournal.com]

Beautiful Liss. I really do love your constant theme of Nine feeling or seeing Rose calling to him either through his dreams or in the back of his mind. He doesn't understand because the bond is not yet formed with him but the echoes of it travel back to him and perhaps his other selves.

A lovely tribute to Sarah Jane as well. She really would be the only who could help.

Emotional, poetical and just fantastic.