SUPERNATURAL FIC: "where soul meets body"
Jul. 16th, 2008 07:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fannishlissA Supernatural fic : where soul meets body :
No pairing, Post season 3.
Summary: Sam finds it’s not exactly like flipping a switch.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is owned by Kripke and the CW and not by me. Thanks to the makers of the music mentioned below for all their inspiration.
: where soul meets body :
There’s a lot to get through and Sam hasn’t got the time to wallow in it.
Point B, Dean is dead and presumably being tortured in Hell. Need to get on that right the hell now.
Point A, Lilith’s blast had blown right by without leaving a mark on Sam. This is something new, something he can work with. Need to get on that, like, yesterday.
So Sam clamps down hard on his initial feelings of shock, grief, rage, denial, with no time for the five stages or whatever.
Take Point A and use that sharp little point to pry up some corner of hell and demolish point B. Like, now.
***
Bobby’s got Sam holed up someplace, one of their usual eye-popping hotel rooms.
Bobby’s got Dean’s body, clean and kept cold.
Bobby’s got his own room and Sam’s by himself.
Bobby didn’t like it. But Sam told him no.
Sam needed room, and quiet, to clear this shit up.
***
Shock can lead to panic, and this is no time for panic. Yet again, this is no time for denial. Sam needs clarity and focus. Sam needs to save his brother and maybe he has a lead now, a path through the chaos.
***
There’s a place right there in the back of his mind that’s been swept clear. He guesses Lilith’s attack and his instinctive defense did the sweeping.
There’s quite a bit of rage, though, still, even with all the extra-hard clamping down Sam’s trying to do. The rage is deep and it’s kind of, well, raging.
The open place in his mind is like a flat place in the desert, the sun beating down, merciless and clean. The place is so open, but Sam pictures the lions of his rage prowling there, like the lions of the Namib, brawny, relentless and ravenous. He wants to open his mind and go into that clean, merciless brilliance – but with those lions lurking, he knows it’s a bad idea.
Sam knows what happens if he goes with the rage. He saw Ava go there. He can’t go there like that. Yet he’s gotta get there somehow. Just not through the rage, the fear, the loss. He has to get there clean.
***
The sunlight in that place is just so beautiful. So pure. Unforgiving, but eternal. Sam needs to wash himself clean somehow, to evade the lions of rage and the salamanders of grief.
Lurking just under the rocks in that desert, the salamanders weep their endless tears and exude despair, but the moisture is clarified as it seeps through the sand. It gathers into a pool. Sam feels his grief with no denial, just lets it wash through him. The pool deepens. The lions have retreated to the horizon, big as mountains. The pool is deep enough now for Sam to slip in. He slips in.
***
As Sam floats there in the pool of his own grief, he finds it distilled and free of guilt, free of fear or loss. Free of all that poisoned it, his grief is much like love. It wells up, bottomless. Palm trees spring up around the pool, sturdy and tall, cooling the water with a comforting shade. Sam feels the dappled light on his skin; the merciless sunlight, the nurturing shade. He feels clean now, strong and new. He’s ready to step out into the desert.
***
Sam sets foot on the dryest sand in the universe. The sand is white and fine and sparkles with the brilliance of diamonds. Sam turns his face to the sun, closes his eyes, and soaks it in. And just like that, Sam is the sun.
All that power is streaming out of him. Anything he wants, he can take.
Sam is aware of the lions of his rage, the salamanders of grief, the skittering rodents of shock and indecision. His awareness puts these beasts in their places. All that’s left is the sunlight, the lapping of the pool, and Sam reaches out for his brother.
***
Nothing else matters. Nothing can sever the cord Sam finds and follows. It flows like a trail of gold, straight down to Dean ---
Dean ---
Hanging in a desolate, crackling web of evil, hooked through the shoulder and the side, in so much pain, so full of fear, yet refusing to give in ---
Dean was born to resist this and Sam is why.
Sam shines like gold into this place of putrid darkness. Dean drinks in the light and sighs, sammy, a sigh of pure trust. The hell is gone and Dean is released.
Sam washes Dean in the shadowed pool. Dean is naked and unashamed. Together, they clean the filth from Dean. Dean falls asleep in the shadow of the palms and lions come to guard him with their golden eyes.
***
Dean stretches, yawns, and opens his eyes.
Sam is there, smiling, and Bobby is flat out bawling.
)*(
credits:
picture from http://www.desertlion.info/dlion.html
title from the song by Death Cab for Cutie
other songs on this playlist include:
“Nothing Else Matters,” by Metallica
“The Best of You,” by Foo Fighters
and “Change the World,” by Eric Clapton.
Emo!Sammy loves Death Cab. Other songs are more Dean!approved.
No pairing, Post season 3.
Summary: Sam finds it’s not exactly like flipping a switch.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is owned by Kripke and the CW and not by me. Thanks to the makers of the music mentioned below for all their inspiration.
: where soul meets body :
There’s a lot to get through and Sam hasn’t got the time to wallow in it.
Point B, Dean is dead and presumably being tortured in Hell. Need to get on that right the hell now.
Point A, Lilith’s blast had blown right by without leaving a mark on Sam. This is something new, something he can work with. Need to get on that, like, yesterday.
So Sam clamps down hard on his initial feelings of shock, grief, rage, denial, with no time for the five stages or whatever.
Take Point A and use that sharp little point to pry up some corner of hell and demolish point B. Like, now.
***
Bobby’s got Sam holed up someplace, one of their usual eye-popping hotel rooms.
Bobby’s got Dean’s body, clean and kept cold.
Bobby’s got his own room and Sam’s by himself.
Bobby didn’t like it. But Sam told him no.
Sam needed room, and quiet, to clear this shit up.
***
Shock can lead to panic, and this is no time for panic. Yet again, this is no time for denial. Sam needs clarity and focus. Sam needs to save his brother and maybe he has a lead now, a path through the chaos.
***
There’s a place right there in the back of his mind that’s been swept clear. He guesses Lilith’s attack and his instinctive defense did the sweeping.
There’s quite a bit of rage, though, still, even with all the extra-hard clamping down Sam’s trying to do. The rage is deep and it’s kind of, well, raging.
The open place in his mind is like a flat place in the desert, the sun beating down, merciless and clean. The place is so open, but Sam pictures the lions of his rage prowling there, like the lions of the Namib, brawny, relentless and ravenous. He wants to open his mind and go into that clean, merciless brilliance – but with those lions lurking, he knows it’s a bad idea.
Sam knows what happens if he goes with the rage. He saw Ava go there. He can’t go there like that. Yet he’s gotta get there somehow. Just not through the rage, the fear, the loss. He has to get there clean.
***
The sunlight in that place is just so beautiful. So pure. Unforgiving, but eternal. Sam needs to wash himself clean somehow, to evade the lions of rage and the salamanders of grief.
Lurking just under the rocks in that desert, the salamanders weep their endless tears and exude despair, but the moisture is clarified as it seeps through the sand. It gathers into a pool. Sam feels his grief with no denial, just lets it wash through him. The pool deepens. The lions have retreated to the horizon, big as mountains. The pool is deep enough now for Sam to slip in. He slips in.
***
As Sam floats there in the pool of his own grief, he finds it distilled and free of guilt, free of fear or loss. Free of all that poisoned it, his grief is much like love. It wells up, bottomless. Palm trees spring up around the pool, sturdy and tall, cooling the water with a comforting shade. Sam feels the dappled light on his skin; the merciless sunlight, the nurturing shade. He feels clean now, strong and new. He’s ready to step out into the desert.
***
Sam sets foot on the dryest sand in the universe. The sand is white and fine and sparkles with the brilliance of diamonds. Sam turns his face to the sun, closes his eyes, and soaks it in. And just like that, Sam is the sun.
All that power is streaming out of him. Anything he wants, he can take.
Sam is aware of the lions of his rage, the salamanders of grief, the skittering rodents of shock and indecision. His awareness puts these beasts in their places. All that’s left is the sunlight, the lapping of the pool, and Sam reaches out for his brother.
***
Nothing else matters. Nothing can sever the cord Sam finds and follows. It flows like a trail of gold, straight down to Dean ---
Dean ---
Hanging in a desolate, crackling web of evil, hooked through the shoulder and the side, in so much pain, so full of fear, yet refusing to give in ---
Dean was born to resist this and Sam is why.
Sam shines like gold into this place of putrid darkness. Dean drinks in the light and sighs, sammy, a sigh of pure trust. The hell is gone and Dean is released.
Sam washes Dean in the shadowed pool. Dean is naked and unashamed. Together, they clean the filth from Dean. Dean falls asleep in the shadow of the palms and lions come to guard him with their golden eyes.
***
Dean stretches, yawns, and opens his eyes.
Sam is there, smiling, and Bobby is flat out bawling.
)*(
credits:
picture from http://www.desertlion.info/dlion.html
title from the song by Death Cab for Cutie
other songs on this playlist include:
“Nothing Else Matters,” by Metallica
“The Best of You,” by Foo Fighters
and “Change the World,” by Eric Clapton.
Emo!Sammy loves Death Cab. Other songs are more Dean!approved.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-07-18 02:26 pm (UTC)HOLY CRAP THIS IS RIGHT ON.
and Bobby is flat out bawling.
ME TOO. OMG. i hope to God this is how it happens - but I'm afraid Kripke won't go there. It's just too beautiful.
*frames this one to hang up on my wall above this picture: http://griseldajane.livejournal.com/137811.html *
no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 12:33 pm (UTC)Thanks for your sweet, sweet comment. I reworked those two lines about twenty times!!
I wanted to just indicate Bobby's kind of panicky stress -- like what the hell is Sam gonna do, and shouldn't he be trying to stop him?!?!? -- then that moment of not just relief, but elation, when Dean is resurrected with the least possible repercussions.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 06:46 pm (UTC)(I'm extremely excited!)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-18 03:57 pm (UTC)I loved this line: "There’s a place right there in the back of his mind that’s been swept clear." It's so simple and strong. Also, the word "brawny" rules. :)
I can't wait for S4. The boys need to be reunited like this SOON.
Did you name this fic after Death Cab for Cutie's song by the same name?
no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 12:47 pm (UTC)thanks so much for your comment!!
There was a NatGeo article about the Lions of the Namib several years ago, which images were just absolutely astounding. The desert Lions are like regular lions on ballplayer steroids.
only a few more weeks!
I like to buy CDs at yard sales, and I found this CD of the grammy nominees for 2006 with the DeathCab song on it. If you listen to the lyrics of "soul meets body" it just SCREAMS Sam Winchester. For example: "In my head, there's a greyhound station, where I send my thoughts to far off destinations so they can have a chance to find some place where they're far more suited than here." and THEN : "I do not know what we'll discover, when we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels but I know our filthy hands will wash one another's and not one speck will remain." --well clearly that's pure Sam and Dean. I do this with songs all the time but I refuse to turn unfiltered songfics out onto a helpless world.
Having listened to "where soul meets body" about 3 dozen times in the last few days I did order the album. *keeps fingers crossed against too much emo*
(The album that emo!Sam previously had on repeat was the first album by Keane. I frickin LOVE that album, but Dean would absolutely not tolerate it at all, period. Sammy probably has earphones for his computer though. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 06:09 am (UTC)it just SCREAMS Sam Winchester
It does! :) They have a couple of songs that remind me of Sam/Dean like "Brothers on a Hotel Bed" and "I Will Follow You Into the Dark", a beautiful bare-bones song of love and devotion. *sigh* Have you heard their new song, "I Will Possess Your Heart"?
I did order the album
You'll have to let me know how you like it. "Plans" is my favorite one of theirs to date.
The album that emo!Sam previously had on repeat was the first album by Keane. I frickin LOVE that album
Oo, Keane! Gah! I love them, too. Their "Untitled 1" song reminds me of John and Mary, and it's on my list of fanmixes to make. Their second album isn't bad either. For a while a handful of their songs were on heavy rotation on my iPod.
Horray for music. :D
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 04:04 pm (UTC)I did hear "I Will Follow you into the Dark" which I thought was a really beautiful piece of songwriting. Actually it reminded me of a song I wrote a long time ago, about Mulder from Krycek's point of view. Ahem, cough, cough.
I went over to Youtube just now and listened to I will possess your heart. That's a fine song! the soundscape reminds me a lot of U2 from the old Joshua Tree days, whereas the melodic structure of the refrain makes me think of an old traditional ballad. The minor key of it sounds almost modal. I like it!!
Keane: don't get me started! Tom of Keane has THE most beautiful voice I've heard in years. And their songwriting is just so awesome. Love, love, love.
ooh, untitled 1 is pretty chilling re john/mary -- hints of YED?
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 05:28 am (UTC)the soundscape reminds me a lot of U2 from the old Joshua Tree days
*nods* Yes, the bass especially. And both have this spacious, open-air feel to them (at least to me). It's a catchy tune.
Keane! :D OMG. The keyboardist! *flail* Don't you find it amazing they don't have a guitarist and it's barely noticeable? I can listen to Tom, the man with the very distinguishable, lovely voice, any day.
ooh, untitled 1 is pretty chilling re john/mary -- hints of YED?
*relistens to song with Azazel in mind* O.o
no subject
Date: 2008-07-18 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 12:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-18 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 12:50 pm (UTC)also, now I can sit and watch the huggy icon in the comfort of my own Lj!
can you believe Sammy hugging Dean in Mystery Spot was unscripted?!? it's just so perfect
no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 12:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 02:52 pm (UTC)Gorgeous.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-19 08:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 06:02 am (UTC)Saving to mems. Thanks for sharing this lovely piece.
Cheers ~
Erin
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 04:18 pm (UTC)and your remark about the poetry makes me very happy!
Yeah, I don't really think this is where Kripke will go, at least not right away. For Kripke, Sam's descent into the dark side is probably going to start here and be a lot more protracted.
In this story I'm all about Sam recognizing that he's very near to the dark side right now, and that the demonic forces have been pushing, pushing him to just use that rage and anger to flip the switch. It's a lot easier that way!
But I don't WANT Sam to go darkside. (Or Dean either for that matter!) my MessiahSammy is a loving Sammy! :) So I keep using all the New Testament imagery and StarWars philosophy to pull him back!
My favorite thing about how this piece turned out -- you know, how the language can lead where the author doesn't even plan -- is at the end, when the lions of Sammy's rage come around to keep watch over Dean with their golden eyes. So anybody from here on out who threatens Dean might get more than they bargain for!!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 06:34 pm (UTC)Oh, I loved that, too! I was too tired last night to do an in-depth review, but I *adored* that imagery. By taming his own rage, Sam tamed the lions of wrath and turned them from killers to guardians. Tiger, tiger, burning bright ... ;-)
Also? LOVE your Old Testament imagery. Some of the most gorgeous poetical imagery in existance can be found, IMHO, in the King James and other older versions of Gospel. Your use of it all, from the pool of purification to the lions and evil things of shadow was simply wonderful. I am so pleased to find pieces like this that go beyond simple fan fiction to become a creation of thought-art. :-)
Thank you again!
Cheers ~
Erin
no subject
Date: 2008-07-20 10:07 pm (UTC)thanks so much for your sweet comments!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-24 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
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