spn poem: "silver dagger" (G)

[fannishliss]

title: "silver dagger"
author: fannishliss 
warnings: POEM!
spoilers: 6.11

summary:  a letter is received

“silver dagger”

mean girl touches the forgotten envelope
addressed, stamped, ready to go --
gathers it up, turns out the lights
but at the last thought, scrawls
he made it
before she locks the door

*

the whole world tunnels to the bold caps,
palms spring out in sweat--
today is her long day at work,
she won’t be home for an hour at least--
so, hiding in his room, insides clenching
through a chill, through a fever
he knifes open the envelope
and the words leap up to
sting and cut--

*
                    so proud
                                    safe
                         sorry
miss you grow
                        not your fault
good man
                    wish

*

shaking, blinking back the burn--
the envelope says he made it, so ...
but his throat hurts and he misses

the cuff so easy against his jaw,
the gravelled voice saying yo hand me that wrench--
a look now and then that shone through the ice of loss--

and he chokes against his fist
but he remembers the number--
and his heart stutters out
a word,  a name in thuds

*

dad?

*

and then
Dean
says, Ben. 
Hey, Ben.

Comments

[monicawoe.livejournal.com]

Excellent! I want to make a comment about an upcoming episode summary i read, but idk how you are with spoilers!

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

um, I fear spoilers, but I'm more interested in what you have to say, so go for it! :)

and I'm glad you liked it -- thanks for commenting!

[monicawoe.livejournal.com]

I'll phrase this carrfully then!

I see this as a very likely scenario. Lisa may be mad at Dean, but I doubt Ben ever was.

[zempasuchil.livejournal.com]

I LIKE THIS. :D (Here via motherlessguns :) )

This took me absurdly long to reply to, but there is something unique about this poem that made me want to make sure to say something substantial. You caught me with the line the whole world tunnels to the bold caps - something about the rhythm or the boldness, the verb "tunnels" and it's strange but strong and visual. And then Ben's memories of Dean made my heart clench! It's so smooth but you don't try to tell a story, which is I think a failing of some fannish poetry, that it spends a lot of time talking but not building atmosphere or imagery. But this poem does not have that problem :) :) The ending is really, really good for an ending, rhythmically as well as the emotional punch. Also, the line a look now and then that shone through the ice of loss is so visual and insightful into Dean and Ben's relationship when Dean is in this awful isolated place - so much said in so few words. Really good job.

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

thanks so much! your comment means a lot to me. I don't mind, take as long as you want! :D

For me, the story is in the canon-- Dean wrote Ben a letter and gave it to the girl and the doctor in case he didn't make -- but the poem is about how that letter would hit Ben ... the heavy words of it, and, Ben's physical reaction to receiving a letter with Dean's handwriting, addressed to him. POW.

I'm really glad it worked for you!