SPN fic: "give you both night and day" (sam/dean NC-17) 2/2

[fannishliss]

second part of "give you both night and day" (samndean, wincest, nc-17) please do not read if you are under 17.  go to first part

 

Dean made a beeline for the bed, and plopped himself back against the headboard with a beer in his hand and another on the bedside table.

 

“Damn, it’s a long way to Bobby’s from Seattle,” Dean said.  “It’s gonna take us at least two days, hard driving.”

 

“Bobby says we don’t need to rush,” Sam responded, looking at an email. “He’s working with the transcript now, and the sources Dan cross-referenced that he already had.  He has enough to work on for a day or two.”

 

“Okay, well, then tell him we’ll be there in three days instead of day after tomorrow.  No use running ourselves ragged unless it’s for a good reason.”

 

Dean finished his first beer and opened the second one, taking a relaxed swallow and just breathing deep.

 

Sam got a beer of his own and settled in beside Dean.  He savored the way Dean leaned up against him a little, like he wasn’t really thinking about it.

 

“You think this is it, Sammy?” Dean asked. The big question.

 

“I don’t know, Dean. I mean, we thought the Colt was it, and it wasn’t, and look where that got us.  I think it’s pretty much of a long shot, trying to exorcise Lucifer himself.  I mean, how do you even start?”

 

Dean just drank, and shook his head as he swallowed.

 

“I do know one thing, I’m going after him alone,” Sam said.

 

“What?  Hell, no!”  Dean glared daggers at Sam.

 

“But it only makes sense, Dean.  He can’t kill me, because I’m the vessel.  But nothing’s stopping him from killing you.”

 

Dean scowled.  “Well, at least he doesn’t have, like, lightning blasting out of his fingertips or whatever, or he woulda killed me already.” 

 

“Dude.  That would suck,” Sam said solemnly, and he made a deadly hand of lightning and a little kapow noise.

 

Dean giggled, and did it back, till they were both laughing helplessly, leaning back against the headboard, throwing imaginary lightning at everyone who pissed them off.

 

“Frozen pie?  Kapow!” Dean threw lightning at the little tourist trap diner, laughing.

 

“You know who I want to zap?  That skinny, floppy haired guy.  Kapow, kapow!” Sam said.

 

Dean looked over at Sam, his laughter dying away.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Dude, he hurt you. You’re like, traumatized.”  Though, after all the shit life had thrown Dean, it was hard to pick out any one thing more traumatic than a boatload of other things.

 

Dean scoffed. “Maybe I’m a little fucked up--but I think Hell’s more to blame than some guy who was bad at sex.”

 

Sam couldn’t meet Dean’s gaze. “Are we ... do you think... you’ll ever get past it?”

 

Dean’s hand fell gently on the back of Sam’s head, patting a little. Then Dean said, “What if I’m already past it?”

 

Sam looked at Dean. Dean’s face was solemn, but contented, and he was playing gently with the back of Sam’s neck, fingers carding lightly through Sam’s hair. Sam knew his heart was in his eyes.  This thing with Dean had been a surprise, but once his eyes were opened, Sam found he wanted it more than anything.

 

“I want to, Sammy.  I swear.  You’re ready, I’m ready, let’s do it.”  Dean was bluff but sincere.

 

“One step at a time, Dean.”

 

“Well, yeah.  I learned that already, I’m a quick study, you know.”  Dean smirked and Sam thought they really might be all right, despite everything.

 

Sam leaned closer to Dean and Dean took the hint, pulling Sam in and kissing him thoroughly.  Kissing Dean made Sam dizzy, like a drug --Dean’s lips moving against his, his tongue delving smoothly into Sam’s mouth, the sweetness of Dean’s breath under the taste of beer.  Dean eased them down onto the bed, and Sam hovered above him.  As he pressed his body against Dean’s, Sam could feel Dean’s erection, hard and ready, but he wanted to go slow. They still had on way too many clothes, but maybe that was a good thing -- it actually helped Sam keep control, as he kissed Dean languidly and contented himself with stroking the warm, smooth skin of Dean’s sides where he could get at them, under the layers.

 

When he finally pulled back, Dean’s face was hot, his cheeks tinged with a high blush. 

 

“You’re really into kissing, aren’t you?” Dean asked, a little breathlessly.

 

“Not usually,” Sam said, pretending to be casual. “I’m usually all caveman.”  Dean snorted, and Sam grinned.  “--but damn, Dean, kissing you is like ... like ... I think it’s like your ideal of pie.”

 

“Sticky and crusty?”  Dean smirked.  Smartass.

 

“No,” Sam said patiently, “like all the sweetness in the world, right there waiting for me.  Like I’ve got the most wonderful thing ever, and I just want to savor it and I don’t want it ever to end.”

 

“Dude, I never thought I’d seriously be compared to pie,” Dean said. 

 

“Favorably compared,” Sam corrected him.

 

“It’s like Led Zeppelin,” Dean said.

 

Sam laughed, recalling the mostly unintelligible song, and sang tunelessly, “Won’t you please save me a slice!”

 

Dean laughed with him again, relaxed and happy, and Sam felt a tide of love and affection flooding through him.  Maybe they didn’t deserve to be happy, after all they’d done, but god damn if Sam wouldn’t grab whatever joy was on the plate and share it with Dean, as much as he possibly could.

 

Sam stood up and starting peeling off his clothes. Dean grinned.  Sam turned around and shook his ass at Dean, slapping his jeans as he slowly unbuttoned them.

 

“Seriously, Sam?”  Dean laughed, warmly.

 

“You know you love it, Dean!”  Sam tried to pout.

 

“Just get on the bed and let me show you how it’s done,” Dean said.

 

“Oh my god,” Sam said, quickly shucking the rest of his clothes.  “What have I done now?”  His brother, in truth, had an unholy love of “exotic dance,” so Sam had no idea what he was in for.

 

Dean turned on the clock radio, already tuned to classic rock, and cranked the volume. Dean could find classic rock stations so easily it was like a psychic gift.  The tinny speakers filled the room with a driving beat. “Dude, awesome!  Guaranteed to get you in the mood, Sammy.”

 

“Guaranteed to make me laugh my ass off,” Sam returned.

 

Dean’s voice was a high, husky tenor, sweet enough when he thought no one was listening, but he was also a shameless ham at lip-synching.  As Paul Rodgers crooned and the guitar line thrust mercilessly, Dean peeled off his army surplus shirt button by button, like he was a theme stripper for Seattle in the 90s. Despite himself Sam was caught by the spell of Dean’s hips as he danced to the relentless beat of the song.

 

The army shirt was finally off and Dean had to untie his boots.  He squatted down, pointing at Sam and lip-synching while he pulled bootlaces with the other hand. He pulled off his boots and socks and stood up, unbuttoning his jeans for Sam, one button at a time.  Sam was actually pretty into it by now, and he licked his lips at the outline of Dean’s package in his boxer briefs.   

 

“See something you like there, Sammy?”  Dean smirked. 

 

“Uh huh,” Sam said happily.

 

Dean stripped his tee shirt over his head.  The muscles of his torso gleamed as he raised his arms, his ribs lifted over his narrow waist.  He was gorgeous and ready to give it all to Sam. 

 

“How much for a lap dance?”  Sam wrinkled his brow, playing at serious.

 

“No way, Sammy,” Dean frowned. “Lap dance means you can’t touch the goods.  You don’t want the bouncers throwing you out.”

 

Dean made his way over to the bed as the song ended and switched to the Moody Blues. Gracefully he straddled Sam, kneeling over Sam’s long legs stretched out on the bed.

 

“Don’t you wanna touch the goods?”  Dean said.  Even playing, Dean was pure sex—his eyes huge and dark, his skin pale and smooth, his musculature like a god’s, and his lips like a sinful dream.

 

“Yes, please,” Sam breathed.

 

“All righty then,” Dean responded, and lifted Sam’s big hands onto his body.

 

“Oh, God, Dean,” Sam sighed. Dean’s hands were not as long but broader than Sam’s, calloused and strong.  The feel of Dean’s hands controlling his own made Sam’s head spin. Those same hands could sharpen a blade, repair the Impala, wire a bomb, fire a gun with deadly accuracy – but right now they were guiding Sam’s hands sure and certain across Dean’s torso.

 

“Touch me, Sam,” Dean said, his amusement replaced with heat.

 

“Show me,” Sam said, and swallowed as Dean guided his hands to his nipples, pressing them into Dean’s chest.

 

“Pinch,” Dean whispered, so Sam did, watching in awe as Dean’s blush deepened, little lines of pain and pleasure etched themselves into his brother’s face.

 

“Ah, ah, Sam, that goes straight to my dick, Jesus,”  Dean gasped. 

 

“How about this then,” Sam said, leaning forward, and taking one hard little nub into his mouth, licking and teasing it till he had it between his teeth, poking it in and sucking it repeatedly, as Dean grabbed his head and pressed it to him.

 

“Sam, Sammy, Christ,” Dean said, and Sam switched to the other side, bringing his hand up to lightly pinch at the nipple he’d abandoned. 

 

Sam pulled off, and looked up at his brother.  “Is it good, Dean?”

 

Dean frowned, but nodded, eyes squeezed closed.

 

“Open your eyes,” Sam asked, and Dean did.  His eyes were hazy with lust, but he was there with Sam.

 

“Is it good?”

 

“Could be better,” Dean replied, his cocky words belied by the husk in his voice.

 

“Oh really,” Sam said, but he knew what Dean was getting at.  He turned them over, urging Dean onto his back. As Sam trailed his kisses down his brother’s torso, Dean thrust his hips up toward Sam, his dick twitching as Sam teased, licking into Dean’s belly button.

 

“Say, I want, Dean,” Sam said, looking into Dean’s eyes between kisses.

 

“Huh?” Dean said, a little breathlessly.

 

“Tell me what you want.  Say, I want...” 

 

“I want your mouth, Sam,” Dean said, and to Sam’s amazement he blushed again.

 

“You got it, Dean,” Sam answered, and kissed his brother’s dick tenderly. He pressed his lips right below the head, lips slick with spit, pressing his tongue firmly into the spot there that made Dean moan and arch into him.   Gripping Dean around the base, he stroked, slow and deep, while he moved the head in past his lips and out again, pulling against the slick smoothness and swirling his tongue near the slit.

 

“Ah, God, Sam, so good,” Dean groaned. 

 

 

Sam lay there contentedly with his cheek on Dean’s belly, nuzzling and sucking.  One of his hands drifted up to play with Dean’s sensitive nipples, pinching them lightly and pressing them into Dean’s pectorals. With his other hand he encircled Dean’s dick, stroking him up and down as he sucked.  Sam focused on Dean’s little moans of pleasure and ignored his own arousal, even as it simmered low in his belly and throbbed in his dick.

 

After a while Sam began to stroke Dean’s balls and back toward his perineum, to see what Dean would do. Dean’s hips jumped a little, but he didn’t seem to tense up.

 

“Ticklish,” Dean said, wrinkling his nose.

 

“Hold on, I’m gonna get some lube,” Sam said, and Dean nodded.  Sam’s duffel was on the floor nearby so it only took him a second to find the stuff and lay it on the bed.

 

Sam knelt between Dean’s legs with Dean spread out before him. 

 

“What are you waiting for, Sam?”

 

“Nothing, I’m in no hurry. I just wanted to look at you, Dean-- you know you’re gorgeous.”

 

Dean smirked but pulled Sam down into a smoldering kiss. Sam pulled away and caught his breath.

 

“You’re too good at that, man, make me lose track.”

 

“Mad skills, Sammy,” Dean grinned.

 

Sam lay hold of Dean’s dick and gave it a squeeze, and Dean’s eyes fluttered shut again.  “I have a few skills of my own,” Sam said.

 

“Yup,” Dean gasped, arching back. 

 

Sam wiggled down and got some lube on his fingers.

 

“One step at a time, right?”  Sam said.

 

“Right,” Dean said, breathlessly.

 

Sam held Dean’s hip in his left hand and swallowed Dean down as he slipped his right hand between Dean’s legs.  He found Dean’s entrance and gently rubbed across it with the lube.

 

Pulling off, he said, “Still ticklish?”

 

“No, it’s, ah, it feels, it wants to relax,” Dean murmured. 

 

“Good, then relax.” Sam suckled on Dean’s dick, not very deep, just mouthing and licking at the head, confusing Dean’s body with the pleasurable sensations. 

 

Dean breathed deep, trying to let go of his tension, as Sam gently rubbed over and around Dean’s entrance. When he felt Dean relaxing, he pressed his finger in just slightly. He gently stroked Dean there, pushing in and out again.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Dean murmured, shifting his hips a little.   “More?”  Sam added more lube to his finger and slowly pushed in deeper, moving it in circles and a little deeper each time. When his finger was all the way in he held it still, suckling Dean’s dick again.  He could feel Dean’s ass clenching around his finger, a little more relaxed each time. Dean was breathing slowly, trying to let go, and his body was easing up, letting Sam move one finger in and out more smoothly. 

 

“Another finger?” Sam said, and Dean nodded, breathing out again as Sam slowly worked it in.  The lube slicked the way and Dean felt smooth as satin inside. Sam could feel the pulse pounding around his fingers as he massaged the tight muscle open.

 

Sam had two fingers inside Dean’s ass now, and he watched Dean’s face for any signs of distress as he worked them in and out, but Dean looked good, really good – his head thrown back in passion, the blood high in his cheeks, his lips swollen, chest flushed and nipples standing taut and dark, his dick red and slick from Sam’s kisses as Sam worked between his legs. Sliding his fingers all the way in, he crooked them slightly and pulled back. 

 

“Ah!  Christ!”  Dean said, bucking a little.

 

“Magic, hm?”  Sam said, and did it again.  Right... there.

 

“Oh! Oh, god, Sammy,” Dean said. 

 

Sam hummed around Dean’s dick, rubbing his fingers against the slight swelling of Dean’s prostate. Dean jerked, unsure whether to thrust up into Sam’s mouth or down onto his hand.  Sam stroked him there, licking against Dean, savoring the heat as Dean moaned in pleasure and quivered all around him.

 

Sam’s fingers were moving in and out with ease now, so he pulled away. 

 

“One more finger?” Sam said.

 

“Ah, ah, Sammy,” Dean panted. “I never, it never felt so ...  ah!”

 

Sam eased his fingers in again, more slick, three this time, and Sam knew it had to burn at least a little.  He held them still and sucked Dean in again, suckling tenderly as Dean’s body adjusted to the new intrusion.

 

“Oh, God, Sammy, God!”  Dean cried out.  Sam could feel his ass struggling to clench, to push his fingers out, and Sam sucked Dean in a little deeper, working him with his tongue. Sam pressed against the little swollen area inside Dean, fluttering his fingers lightly.

 

“Jesus!”  Dean yelled.  “Ah, fuck!  Fuck me, Sammy, come on!”

 

Sam stayed where he was, Dean’s dick in his mouth, three fingers up Dean’s ass, and he began very slowly to move them in and out.   He paused to add a little more lube, and Dean groaned deeply as Sam’s fingers glided in again even more easily than before. 

 

“Sammy, Sammy, please.  Ah!”  Dean yelled again.

 

“Jesus Christ, Dean, you are loud!” Sam said, unerringly hitting Dean’s prostate now and massaging it thoroughly.

 

“You’re killing me here, shit!  Come on!”  Dean shouted.

 

“You sure?”  Sam said, smiling.

 

“Oh, you son of a bitch!” Dean growled, so Sam knew he was really on board.

 

Sam eased his hand free, leaving Dean panting and swearing as he rolled on the condom and added more lube.   He was down half a bottle and Dean was a mess, but it was worth it.

 

“Roll onto your side, Dean,”  Sam said, and got into position behind his brother.  Taking Dean’s dick in hand, Sam nudged at Dean’s entrance teasingly.

 

“Christ, Sam, what?” Dean growled again. 

 

“Bear down on me.  You’ll see,”  Sam said, and held himself still as he could.

 

Dean pushed back against Sam, bearing down, and Sam pushed smoothly in. 

 

“Oh, oh God. Sam!”  Dean’s voice was a little high, his ass clenching with just the head of Sam’s dick inside.

 

“Are you okay?”  Sam said, stroking Dean.  He’d softened a little.

 

“Yeah, ah, yeah, just give me a second, man,” Dean panted, pushing back a little more.

 

“Sh, hold still till you’re ready,” Sam said.  He stroked Dean’s dick and kissed him hotly on the back of the neck, trying to concentrate on anything but the incredible tightness he was slowly, slowly sinking into.  Bit by bit, Dean’s body opened up around him and Sam sank in, till he was pressed against Dean’s ass, fully seated.

 

“Sam! Sammy!”  Dean gasped. His dick was hard again as Sam jacked him. Sam kissed Dean’s neck and held Dean firmly as he made a tentative thrust. 

 

“Oh,”  Dean groaned in pleasure, so Sam went a little harder.  Dean was trembling, trying to push back onto Sam and forward into his hand, both at the same time. Sam’s hand was slick from all the lube and moved freely across the hot skin of Dean’s dick as Sam thrust more deeply into him.

 

“Oh, Sam, oh God,” Dean moaned, shaking now. 

 

“How does it feel, Dean, with me so deep inside you?”  Sam whispered hotly into Dean’s ear.

 

“Oh, oh! It burns, just a little, but it feels, ah! so fucking good!  Christ, Sam, fuck me!”  Dean ground back onto Sam with a cry, arching his back like a cat.

 

“Okay, okay, Dean, can you...” Sam maneuvered Dean onto his knees, his face down on his forearms.  Sam had more leverage this way. 

 

Dean was open now, his body taking Sam deep inside, so Sam could use a little more force. He drove in, stroking Dean’s prostate with every thrust.  Dean was crying out continuously, moaning and cursing, and he sounded so wanton that it set Sam on fire.

 

“Dean, I want you to come for me, can you? Now, Dean!”  Sam reached around to take Dean in his hand.  Dean shoved fiercely back onto Sam with another harsh cry, his load pulsing hot into Sam’s hand. The spasms of  Dean’s orgasm rippled around Sam, sending him over the edge.  Desperate, he pulled out one last time and thrust all the way back in,  deep inside Dean as he could get. His own orgasm washed through him then like fire, every muscle tensing as he shot inside his brother, shaking as his vision whited out. 

 

Getting his breath back, he carefully pulled out, and Dean collapsed face down onto the bed.  Sam took a few deep breaths then went to get a washcloth.

 

“Pass out?” Sam asked Dean.

 

“Bitch, please,” Dean retorted, but he was grinning.

 

Sam carefully wiped Dean down and pulled the blankets up over them, then lay down next to him and pulled him back into his arms.  Sam’s cock nestled soft next to the crease of Dean’s ass, and Dean wiggled playfully against it.

 

“Was good, Sammy. Shouldn’t a been scared,” Dean murmured.

 

“But you didn’t pass out,” Sam complained.

 

“Next time,” Dean said.

 

“Yeah, next time,” Sam smiled, closing his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

References

The scholar in me is tired of the obligatory “disclaimer.”  This is a work of transformative fiction; no money is being made.  More interesting is the raft of research I used to write the story!  :)

 

The passage from Luke in Latin comes from the Vulgate, with parallel text from KJV. http://www.latinvulgate.com/

 

The exorcism that Sam knows by heart is taken from a transcript of 3.12, “Jus in Bello.” For some reason, it’s not up at the wiki, but is here:

http://www.horrornews.net/supernatural/transcripts/supernatural-season3/SN312.html

 

Information about Snoqualmie and North Bend comes from websites about Twin Peaks tourism in Washington state, including:

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/2938

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snoqualmie_Falls

 

Need to know where Bobby’s salvage yard might be and what it might look like? Look at  Google Earth:   2700 North Cliff Avenue, Sioux Falls, SD

 

The song Dean strips to is “Feel Like Making Love,” by Bad Company. The other songs mentioned are “Custard Pie,” by Led Zeppelin, and “Knights in White Satin,” by the Moody Blues.

 

After he realized that Dean had bad associations with anal sex, Sam read this website thoroughly several times: http://sexuality.about.com/od/analplay/a/analplay101.htm

 

BONUS: Lyrics of “Feel Like Making Love”: Baby, when I think about you, I think about love

Darling, I don’t live without you and your love

If I had those golden dreams of my yesterday

I would wrap you in the heaven, but they lay dying on the way [?]

Feel like makin' love, feel like makin' love to you

[now picture Dean’s pretty hips dancing here, mm, nice]

And if I had the sun and moon, and they were shining

I would give you both night and day, love satisfying

 

 

 

Comments

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

Well that's a lovely image to leave me with! :) This was a great ride, and the ending was sizzling hot. Phew! Need a cold drink now. Thanks :)

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

thanks so much for the lovely comment. I find it VERY difficult to write p0rn -- I have to edit like a MILLION TIMES. "Sizzling" makes me smile all over. CHEERS!

[mithrel.livejournal.com]

OK. Officially dead now, just so you know.

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

how are you dead even tho you did not defy me!

have a blessed afterlife!!

(thanks very much for your comment -- it makes my day when my fic works for someone!)

[saturnsdaughter.livejournal.com]

Sam's a lucky bastard, getting to see Dean strip. He'd be a real crowd pleaser as a professional, hehe.

Anyway, I'm glad they were able to get past Dean's fear of anal sex. Hot, hot stuff that was ;)

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

thanks so much -- so glad you enjoyed it!!

[darkmoore.livejournal.com]

First of all, that was very hot and very cute. But ... yes, there is a BUT.

I remember Dean saying (in one of the previous parts) that in hell, Sam forced him, raped him, made him "take it" or something. That the "Sam" in hell dished out a lot and Dean had to comply and endure and just take whatever Sam wanted.

I see no indication of how Dean has gotten over that, I see nothing that distresses Dean at all at the prospect of that kind of sex, I don't see the typical reactions of a victim/survivor of continued rape.

It doesn't mean that your plot isn't valid, but dean's read acceptance, his ability to just "forget" everything that has happened to him in the past is somehow not quite believable to me.

I still enjoyed your story very much. =)

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

I very much appreciate your reading and commenting! I also really appreciate your taking the time to concrit when a lot of people would just skip it and move on. I actually really appreciate it, and maybe you'd appreciate my reactions and my own thought processes as I was writing these stories.

I think I do take a different view than many people about how Dean's experiences in Hell affect his current psyche. I don't really believe, for example, that he would suffer symptoms of true PTSD, because that syndrome is physiological (brain based) not simply psychological ("mind" based). Dean didn't have a physical body in Hell, so he doesn't react to the traumas he suffered there somatically, but rather, spiritually, and only sometimes psychologically. Otherwise, as so many have argued, he would not have been able to function after 30 years of constant torture -- when real human beings can receive grave psychological harm from a really short occurrence -- say, a car wreck, that gets recorded as a trauma in the brain and replays itself in the flashbacks, intense anxieties, sleeplessness, and symptoms of PTSD.

I think that Dean's experiences in Hell, while being very real, were a process intended to transform him spiritually into a demon -- and that when he became a human again, it was less the things he endured that hurt him, and more the memories of the demonic things he himself did as Alastair's apprentice that tortured him so. His traumas, inflicted on his soul, troubled him spiritually -- so the psychological effects were kind of a by-product. And in his new, "Angelic retread" body, I doubt he would harbor somatic memories.

Moreover, I think the demons in Hell who impersonated Sam did rape Dean -- but compared to the tortures he was undergoing, I think it was more subtle and insinuating than what "rape" implies, because Dean says that Sam would sometimes appear very gentle and sweet, and Dean really did long for Sam and needed Sam desperately. Only after time did the demons get harsher and more demanding, so that Dean lost any sense of his own pleasure or will being important. I tried to get at that in the previous story, how willing Dean was for Sam to take him, regardless of the fact that he didn't think it would be at all good from his own perspective -- but hell had taught him his own perspective didn't matter. Also, Dean's flashbacks in the previous story were triggered by violent encounters with actual demons -- so that he was remembering the more violent moments in hell very vividly, and not through his current mindset, where he and Sam are trying to rebuild trust.

In this story it was my intent to show Dean willing to trust Sam -- having already stated his willingness to lay down for Sam without believing it would be good -- and after Sam showed him how good it could be --- Dean was ready to trust... and that's also why I made Sam move so carefully through such a step by step, drawn-out love scene, because Sam is constantly monitoring Dean for any kind of distress, whereas Dean is finally able to just give it up for Sam (as he did in Hell) but without the horrible, demonic repercussions he would have suffered there.

Anyways, it is the longest story sequence I've written -- over 17,000 words, so thanks very much for your encouragement.

I also think Sam's pov might pose a bit of the difficulty -- since we don't get to see the thoughts of trust, submission, relief, and bliss that flow through Dean's mind -- except as Sam sees them play out in his bodily reactions.

[darkmoore.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you for you lovely and thorough answer.

I see where you are coming from with your trail of thought and I agree that the Sam POV might have been the problem here, that I don't completely buy the whole thing of Dean not freaking.

See, the thing is that I think Dean would go through with it whether there is discomfort (emotional or physical or whatever) on his side or not. Because you said it yourself, he wants it. And I can see Dean as someone being frustrated by his own shortcomings. To be totally honest, I don't know and don't particularly care why Dean didn't go insane with all the torture and whatnot, but I think that if the demons really had put on Sam's face, if they violated him while looking like Sam, no matter if Dean knew it wasn't real, it would multiply the damage done.

The thing is, even though Dean knew that it was all in hell and not really Sam, the thought alone that he needed Sam, that he pretty much let him and might have begged him and all that, it would worsen the problems in my POV not, lessen them.

And yes, the did teach him that his wishes don't matter, rape is rarely about sex, but almost always about power. It's the subtle untertones that do so much more damage than outright cruelty and pain. Dean is used to pain, is used to getting hurt. Tenderness and the psychological aspect of what was done to him will hit him much harder though.

That's the reason why I don't buy the "Dean is okay with it and enjoys it" completely. It has this slight air of "magical healing cock" cliche about it. Because reasonably Dean SHOULD be much more messed in the head in my POV.

That is of course MY personal opinion and not something you have to take in consideration at all. In fact I think you did remarkably well with the smut and you wrote a very considerate and loving sex-scene. In any other setting it would have been perfect, I just couldn't quite believe Dean is capable of letting go that much just yet.

But maybe that is just the angst whore in me *wink*

[fannishliss.livejournal.com]

I know, I am totally not the angst person!! :)
I am the "love makes everything better OK!" person :P

But to be honest, in writing these stories, it's like I'm listening for what the characters say or do next... and this is where it went. For me, it works... but I see why it might not work for everybody.

Cheers!

[darkmoore.livejournal.com]

Hehe. It's okay that you are not an "angst person". Not everyone's cup of tea.

I know that feeling of letting the characters decide where to go next and if yours wanted the story that way that is completely fine with me. My muses do the very same and I find myself complaining to my beta sometimes, that I can't 'hear' them properly when they are being particularly stubborn.

See, I mean it - I enjoyed your story very much and the fact that I would have ... 'expected' a bit more angst before the hot, fluffy sex doesn't change that fact at all.

You really did well and I'm looking forward to reading more of that.

[sadritsuka12.livejournal.com]

OMG..... LOVE IT.... SOO SWEET AND HOT